9 Pillars of Well-Being

Why do Men struggle?

At 64, I’ve been around the block a few times.

I have things I'm proud of, and plenty of things I’m embarrassed about and regret.

I have friends and family who suffer from depression, addiction, obesity, and other problems.

My brother died after 40 years of drugs and alcohol. He was 61. Several of my close friends are severely obese, weighing over 300 pounds. Diabetes, heart problems, cancer, etc.

One guy I know got caught by his wife watching live porn on his laptop. He told me he was addicted to porn.

Over time, I’ve realized that many, it not most, guys suffer from something: addiction, obesity, depression, fatigue, lack of motivation, or something else.

If you're a man, especially if you're over 50, you know the challenges of trying to live up to everyone's expectations: work, career, relationships, money, family, health, social, intimacy, energy, among many others. I can relate.

Life can be hard with a lot of suffering. After going through many of my own challenging episodes, I realized the only person who could help me stay positive was me. I needed a way to improve my Well-Being.

The solution to these challenges and suffering is a diligent effort on our part to move us closer to experiencing Well-Being.

What is Well-Being?

It's a state of optimal physical, mental, emotional, social, and environmental health and happiness. It encompasses a sense of fulfillment, joy, flow, serenity, and balance.

We all want Well-Being. But how do we achieve Well-Being? This question has perplexed me for years.

The Framework – Nine Pillars of Well-Being

I have always been drawn to research and literature related to wellness, success, motivation, habits, health, and overall Well-Being. My conclusion was that we can drastically improve our Well-Being by focusing on 9 key elements. Hence, I created my Nine Pillar framework.

The Nine Pillars fall into three categories:
o   Purpose
o   Mind
o   Body

Well-Being is available for anyone willing to actively manage and develop each of the Nine Pillars. It’s a lifelong journey that requires daily effort as we evolve. It's a daily practice. Forever.

My work

My work is focused on helping men improve Well-Being.

The journey of improving Well-Being requires a lot of effort. But it’s achievable with a Framework that becomes part your weekly planning. The Framework makes it easier assuming you are willing to do the work.

I also want to chronicle what it’s like to age and how we must reshape our Pillars as we age.

This work satisfies one of my own Pillars. It gives me meaning. It’s my purpose.

Control the enemy

A lot of Men avoid “self-help” topics as it carries the stigma of weakness. But if you want to improve your Well-Being, here are your options: Self-Help or No-Help.

You have to do the work yourself. No one can improve your Well-Being but you.

However, the hard part about improving Well-Being is we are fighting a brutal enemy.

The good news is we know who the enemy is. You are the enemy! The biggest battle you fight in your quest for Well-Being is the battle against yourself. Control the enemy. Self-control.

Two approaches to Well-Being

To improve Well-Being, there are two approaches:

Passive Approach: this is a short-term fix. Something or someone else does the work for you. Examples are procrastination, distractions, social media, TV, bars, victimhood, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, food, sugar, porn, therapy, meds, etc. I know you know what I’m talking about.

Active Approach: this is a long-term solution. You do the work yourself by actively engaging with the Nine Pillars of Well-Being.

  THE NINE PILLARS OF WELL-BEING

To improve Well-Being, we need to actively engage with each of these Nine Pillars on a regular basis.

Driven Purpose:

1. Finding Meaning
This is a journey inward. We find Meaning if we have a Purpose.
What you do has Purpose when these three ingredients are present:
* You have passion for what you do
* You have expertise in what you do
* There’s a need for what you do

2. Cultivating Connections
This is a journey outward. We need strong social connections for happiness. We need to continually cultivate our relationships for Well-Being. New relationships and old ones.

3. Financial Security
Financial freedom promotes psychological Well-Being. Simply starting with an accounting of your assets, liabilities, income, and expenses can be calming.

Happy Mind:
4. Active Learning
Don’t retire. Stay engaged with work at least a little. Always be a learner. Your brain stays sharper when you are a lifelong learner.

5. Meaningful Intimacy
This relates to physical, emotional, intellectual, and other ways of relating to others. Sharing your deepest thoughts and emotions with those you love, or trust promotes Well-Being. And yes, guys, sex is important for Well-Being.

6. Managing Thoughts and Emotions
At any given time, we have a basket of Positive Thoughts and a basket of Negative Thoughts. Which basket you focus on influences your degree of Well-Being. Negative self-talk is draining, demotivating, lowers self-confidence, and most of it is plain wrong. Distance yourself from that inner critic.

Fit Body:
7. Vigorous Exercise
Your brain needs strenuous exercise. So does your body. A regular vigorous physical fitness routine promotes brain health and keeps your body fit.

8. Strict Nutrition
There is plenty of evidence that what we put in our bodies affects our brain and body health. Most of us have a pretty good idea of what healthy eating means. The hard part is being consistent. As guys, we know numbers like the score of the game, sport statistics, investment returns, hours fasted, miles we ran, etc. But most guys have no idea how many grams of protein, carbs, or fat they consume. Or calories for that matter. Try using a food app for at least a couple weeks. It takes about 3 minutes a day once you get the hang of it. You'd be surprised what you will learn about how you take care of yourself.

9. Restorative Rest
You have to figure out this one. Poor sleep quality, or insufficient sleep, increases the risk of many health problems. Chronic sleep deficiency raises risks of dementia, depression, mood swings, cognitive issues, heart disease, obesity, diabetes, and other problems. I love a gin martini, but if I have too many or have it too late, I sleep like crap, my productivity the next day disappoints me, and brain fog can creep in.

Two steps for implementing the Nine Pillars

Where do we start? How do we implement the Nine Pillars?

Step 1 - take inventory of your past and present Pillars:
This is where we score each of our Pillars for both the past and the present:

Scoring:
1 - Poor
2 - Needs work
3 - Fair
4 - Good
5 - Great

You can access the Pillars Scoring worksheet here.

Step 2 - uncover your deficient Pillars:
Plan the future intentionally. Look at each of the Nine Pillars and start thinking about where you need the most work. Here you will see which Pillars are deficient.

You can access the Future Planning worksheet here.

Productivity Framework

Here we think about productivity differently from what we are accustomed to. 
Traditionally, we think about productivity as it relates to our Roles, mostly at work and home. We define our Roles, set our Goals, and then define our Priorities from there.

Roles -> Goals -> Priorities

You can access the Roles-Goals-Priorities worksheet here.

The Well-Being Framework is similar but focuses on the Nine Pillars of Well-Being rather than our Roles. We look at our deficient Pillars and begin to work them into our weekly planning. It provides another way of thinking about productivity.

Pillars -> Goals -> Priorities

You can access the Pillars-Goals-Priorities worksheet here.

Here’s an example for a friend who recently moved to a new city:
He's not happy with his job, wants a career change, stressed out, overweight, lonely, suffering back problems, and wakes up many times during sleep.

Five Pillars to focus on in this example:
* Finding Meaning
* Cultivating connections
* Vigorous Exercise
* Strict Nutrition
* Restorative Rest

Here's how he can work on his deficient Pillars for the week:

This is just one example of how to integrate the Nine Pillars of Well-Being into your weekly planning.

It's a lot of work to manage your Well-Being. But it's worth the effort.

Be well!

Peter 😎