Comparison damages happiness; Living in Chiang Mai

In this newsletter:
- Happiness paradox
- Comparison damages happiness
- Living in Chiang Mai
- The downsides

The Happiness Paradox

Side note
I’ll be spending more time pursuing interests in the wellness business, traveling around the Southeast Asia region, educating myself about Asian culture, and learning the Thai language.  Hence, with that time investment, I aim to write a monthly newsletter rather than weekly. Oh, plus I want to have fun and not take myself too seriously. 

Last week, I mentioned two things that affected my decision to move from Miami Beach to Chiang Mai, Thailand.

First, I now feel totally free to do as I wish. You can see what I wrote here: I moved to Thailand - I am free.

Second, I’m curious about what some people refer to as the “happiness paradox.” That is, the idea that many people in Thailand, and other developing countries, seem very happy while most have little material wealth. At the same time, many people in wealthy countries like America have plenty of wealth and often seem to lack genuine happiness.

The “happiness paradox” is a broad concept that suggests people in societies with low material wealth often report more happiness compared to those in wealthier societies. This is a complicated topic on which I am not an expert.

One aspect of the paradox I think is especially damaging to happiness is our “culture of comparison.”

Our decisions are often clouded by societal pressure to achieve and accumulate, leading to feelings of “never enough.”

The Easterlin Paradox is a generalization from the 1970s that states, among other points, “in the short run, everyone perceives increases in income to be correlated with happiness and tries to increase their incomes. However, in the long run, this proves to be an illusion, since everyone’s efforts to raise standards of living lead to increasing averages, leaving everyone in the same place in terms of relative income.”

My interpretation is that people become happier if they believe their income relative to others is increasing.

Thirty years ago, when I was new to the investment business in Boston, I encountered the paradox while working for an investment partnership company. The partners who made “only” 5 million dollars a year seemed jealous of the partners who were making over $20 million annually from their hedge funds. True story.

A couple weeks ago, I was texting a friend, a Vietnamese woman who has lived in Miami Beach for many years. She said, “in general people are the same” in Thailand. There is less scope for comparisons.

I think the paradox is also widely prevalent in a place like Silicon Valley, where I grew up. Tech millionaires, billionaires… So much envy. I want a house in Pacific Heights or Los Altos Hills.

A more expensive car, a bigger boat, a nicer condo, better abs, a bigger butt, and a more expensive school for my kids. As you know, the comparison list goes on and on.

I also experienced the paradox while raising a family in a wealthy suburb of Boston. God forbid if we send our children back to school after February vacation break without them being able to report about some fantastic vacation (like Aspen, the Alps, or the Caribbean).

How much is he worth? How much does she make? These rich-country questions are not as common in a place like Thailand.

The funny thing is that at the end of our time here, and beyond that, I bet the comparisons fade away. Or stop immediately, after our final heartbeat.

Thus, we might very well be spending too much of our time here and now focused on the wrong things.

I will never forget a quote 20 years ago from one of my clients, a wise and very successful woman in New York City, after a particularly difficult business situation. This is what she said to me. It’s worth remembering.

“Peter, we always worry about the wrong things.” 

Over time, I’ve come to believe that about half of what we think or believe is simply wrong and a waste of time.

Comparison damages happiness 

Comparison breeds insecurity
Constantly measuring how we are doing compared to others creates feelings of inadequacy. It chips away at our self-esteem and self-worth.

There will always be someone else doing better
It’s a never-ending race. The comparison mindset ensures that no level of success is enough.

Comparison detracts from our own goals
Focusing on others makes us lose sight of our own path. It’s a waste of energy and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a life that feels inauthentic.

Comparison can harm relationships
Comparison fosters envy and resentment leading to erosion of trust and connection with others.

Comparison damages mental health
Comparison can cause anxiety, depression, and stress. Social media can be particularly poisonous, exacerbating feelings of not having enough.

I am grateful I don’t envy anyone. There is no one else I’d rather be. I just want to be me. And for now, that means living in Chiang Mai doing what I want to do. My agenda. My Way.

Living in Chiang Mai, Thailand

I first learned about Chiang Mai from a friend, a former client of mine. He has spent decades in Southeast Asia working for the United Nations and then as a private equity investor. Thank you, Don.

I was asking him and his Vietnamese wife (they’ve been together almost 40 years) for advice on where else I should travel in Thailand. Ten years ago, I spent time in Bangkok and Phuket. This time I wanted to be in the mountains and jungles.

After traveling in Southeast Asia for two months, I felt I only scratched the surface. It almost felt like I knew less about the region than before I began my trip.

Sometimes the more we learn, the more we realize what we don’t know.

I wanted to go back. But I didn’t want to be a tourist. I wanted to live there. Living in a place is vastly different from being a tourist there.

I don’t want to leave this world with most of it undiscovered by me. I want to explore, learn, grow, eat different food…and challenge myself. 

Chiang Mai is a sophisticated city with a rich culture and well-educated people. Great cafes, restaurants, cannabis shops, wellness spas, etc.

It has a cool, relaxed, hippie vibe that, in some ways, reminds me of Santa Cruz and Berkeley, California in the 1960s and 1970s.

Location – northern Thailand
Northern Thailand is a great homebase from which I can explore Southeast Asia more deeply.
I live near the airport, and they will be building a new international airport on the other side of the city.
The pace of life here is slower and more relaxed than Bangkok or other major cities.

Warm weather
Thailand is generally a hot place, but Chiang Mai is cooler and less humid. This time of year, is especially appealing. I can ride my motorbike in a tee shirt most of the time.

Culture and history
The city is the former capital of the Lanna Kingdom with hundreds of temples that provide a glimpse into centuries of Buddhist culture.
Chiang Mai combines traditional charm with modern conveniences like shopping malls with international brands of all kinds.

Mountains and jungles
My condo sits at the base of Doi Suthep, a mountain with a lush, tropical ecosystem covered with a vibrant jungle. I plan to spend more time in the jungle. The sounds in the jungle are amazing to hear.
Riding my motorbike up the mountain reminds me a lot of driving from San Jose to Santa Cruz (California) on Highway 17…or Hecker Pass...but with a tiny fraction of that traffic. 

Food scene
This is way up on my list. I love the food here. It’s delicious, fresh, spicy, and healthy. Whether on the street or in a restaurant, it’s available everywhere. Super fresh.
The Thais take their food very seriously. It is part of their rituals.
Americans would consume a lot less Metamucil (a fiber supplement) if they ate like Thais.

Digital nomads
Chiang Mai is a happening place. Often considered a digital nomad capital, the city is filled with co-working spaces, nice cafes with Wi-Fi, and a strong community of remote workers.
You can walk into many cafes and hear English and other languages where young, bright people gather to share resources and ideas.

International environment
There are lots of foreigners and tourists from all over the world.
The expat (foreigner) population is well-established and there are many ways to engage with them.

Chiang Mai University
CMU is a massive public research university with close to 40,000 students. The main campus lies between my condo and the Doi Suthep mountain. It’s a beautiful campus.
The Thai government is committed to Thailand becoming a digital hub in Southeast Asia.
In fact, the MIT Sloan School, my alma mater, just opened an office in Bangkok.

Healthcare
From what I’m learning, the healthcare facilities here are excellent. Very affordable with good quality services.

Affordable
The cost of living is a fraction of the cost of living in Western countries. Accommodation, food, transportation, etc. are very affordable here. It’s a great place for retirees, digital nomads, and travelers.
The other night, I told some friends in the U.S. about my eight-dollar, three-course meal and Singha beer.

The Downsides 

Living in Thailand is not for everyone. Certain things we take for granted living in the U.S. are not as readily available.

In Chiang Mai, we don’t have anything close to the safe sidewalks we have in U.S. cities. Going on a safe, leisurely walk can be a challenge with the traffic, motorbikes, etc. There’s limited public transportation.

However, I really enjoy walks through Chiang Mai University’s sprawling campus with the massive canopy of trees at the base of Doi Suthep mountain. They have good sidewalks there.

The burning season happens during February-March-April. Farmers burn agricultural waste, causing severe air pollution. Like many expats, I plan to travel during this time. It’s not healthy to be there at that time. And I really don’t want to do the mask thing again….

Finding well-paying jobs can be tough from what I hear. And one needs to sort out the visa situation.

I’m currently working on obtaining a “retirement visa.” It basically entails depositing 800,000 baht (roughly 23,000 dollars) into a Thai bank account and filing paperwork.

I hired a Thai lawyer to help me with my visa, condo purchase, and a will for my Thai assets (condo, bank account, and motorbike). She’s great. Very helpful.

Thailand is a developing country. Outside the big cities, very few people speak English. The average personal income (measured many ways) is around one-third or one-fourth that of the U.S. Here’s some GDP data if you are interested.

So, as I said above, I'm aiming to send out a newsletter monthly. In the meantime, I promise to have fun, enjoy life in Thailand, and not take myself too seriously.

Thank you for reading!

Be well,

Peter Pavlina