Eulogy for Dad

Eulogy for Dad

Losing Dad was hard.

The last several months were a rough patch for me. Dad died and it took me a while to get back into the groove. I’m glad to be back at my desk. Dad’s probably wondering what the hell took me so long. He could be pretty macho at times.

Over the last three years, I’ve lost 3 family members. Dad, Mom, and brother Pat. I’ve learned getting over the loss of loved ones can be a slow process. 

Dad was a robust 90-year-old who was raised by his Croatian immigrant parents who came to America without any education or money. He and his two older brothers were big, tough dudes.

They were farmers. Over time, they bought orchards and eventually developed their property in a place today we call Silicon Valley. When my brothers and I were little, watching Dad irrigate the orchards, he taught us how to use cherry leaves to wipe our asses after going behind the trees.

Mom died 10 months before Dad passed away. Losing Mom was hard for him. They had been married for 67 years. She was his audience of admirers. He loved to show off to her. Working in the yard, he would peak over his shoulder to see her watching him from her chair in the house.

He went to bed early, was up early, had his coffee, read his books, drank his pre-workout supplement, grabbed his weight-lifting gloves, and then was off to the YMCA five days a week before they opened at 5 am. He loved being part of the early bird community of fit friends at the gym. He was a regular, even at 90-years-old.

Dad was alone at home after mom died. My brothers and I encouraged him to consider moving to a community of other seniors. He enthusiastically embraced the idea. He said he really liked the ratio of women to men there. We helped Dad move into assisted living near his house in Phoenix. Unfortunately, things went downhill from there. He got Covid, then pneumonia, then died two months later.

Dad was my biggest fan. He believed in me and was proud of me. And I was proud of him. He instilled confidence in us boys that we could be whatever we wanted to be. However, it wasn’t always an easy relationship. We butted heads a lot when I was younger. But in later years we grew very close to each other. We talked every day for years. He always remembered little details about me, my family, my friends and what was going on with my business.

The last thing I could do for Dad was to write a eulogy for him and read it at his funeral. I felt proud doing so and I'm sure he was proud I did that. I was also proud of my son, nieces, nephews, and my high school buddies who also gave warm and happy eulogy comments at the funeral.

Here's a picture of Dad and me with his cars, four months before he died:

How I wrote Dad’s Eulogy

You may have already been through this whole process of losing a parent and writing their eulogy. As you know, it’s not easy but it’s what we have to do. Several friends asked me for a copy of my eulogy and I’m sharing it with you.

As my brothers and I were running around taking care of service arrangements, funny memories of Dad and his famous quotes would pop into my head. I carried a notepad around and wrote them down.

Dealing with the mortuary, church, cemetery, crematory, and assisted living place is a lot of work, on top of finding a place to host a post-funeral reception and tracking down who to add to the guest list. Add to that the process of writing a eulogy, and it becomes a full-time job.

When it came time to sit down and write the eulogy, I spread out my notes on the kitchen table and sorted my comments into four parts. That’s where I learned to write a eulogy.

For sure, I am not an expert on writing a eulogy. However, I now know how it feels to lose both parents over 10 months. Writing Dad's eulogy helped bring closure to this chapter of life.

My eulogy spoke of my relationship with Dad, what he meant to me, how he made me feel, and how he saw the world.

My eulogy had four parts:

Part 1 – Introduction

Part 2 – Three stages of my life with Dad
o   The Early Years
o   The Middle Years
o   The Adult Years

Part 3 – How Dad generated Well-Being
o   He loved to learn
o   He loved to stay active

Part 4 – Conclusion: Lessons learned from Dad

Resources for writing a eulogy

I learned that writing a eulogy can be challenging, painful, and surreal, but at the same time, it can be loving, thoughtful, and lighthearted. It was a trip reading the eulogy. Dad was lying in the casket next to me on stage, undoubtedly watching me from above with a smile, and there was a chapel full of guests who had lost a loved one, eagerly waiting for my soothing words.

Click here, then click on “Resources for Men” to find these eulogy resources:

o   My eulogy for Dad
o   A ChatGBT response to the prompt “How to write a eulogy for a parent.”
o   Links to several eulogy writing services

You might find these helpful if the time comes to write a eulogy for a parent.

19 Lessons from Dad

I learned a lot of things from my dad. Here are just a few:
1.       Get up early, make your bed, get to work.
2.       You create your own luck.
3.       Actions speak louder than words. A lot louder.
4.       Make yourself useful.
5.    If you say you're going to do something, do it. Talk is cheap. 
6.       If you’re going to do something, do it right or don’t do it at all.
7.       You become self-sufficient by working hard.
8.       Being on a team makes you stronger.
9.       Be kind to everyone; he was friends with janitors and CEOs.
10.  That’s the way the cookie crumbles.
11.   Quit pissing and moaning. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
12.   If you don’t like it, tough shitsky.
13.   We ain’t getting out of here alive, so make the most of it.
14.   Stop worrying about everyone else. Take care of yourself first.
15.   Exercise every day. But don’t exercise too hard. Workouts don’t need to be epic to be effective.
16.   Let go of the past. Stop worrying about the future. Relax and slowdown.
17.   Stay in touch with your friends.
18.   Relationships are worth fighting for. Make the effort and be forgiving.
19.   Peter, would you please make me a Manhattan? Boy, did Dad love my Manhattans. And I loved the conversations we had while sipping our drinks.

My work

My focus is on Well-Being for Men.

What is Well-Being? It's a state of optimal physical, mental, emotional, social, and environmental health and happiness. It encompasses a sense of fulfillment, joy, serenity, and balance. It's a lifelong journey that requires daily effort. It's a daily practice. 

Three dimensions of Well-Being:
-          Driven Purpose
-          Happy Mind
-          Fit Body

Two approaches to achieving Well-Being:

-          Passive Approach: this is a short-term fix. Something or someone else does the work for you. Examples are procrastination, distractions, social media, TV, bars, drugs, alcohol, food, sugar, porn, therapy, meds, etc. I know you know what I’m talking about.

-          Active Approach: this is a long-term solution. You do the work yourself by actively engaging the Nine Pillars of Well-Being.

Learn more about the 9 Pillars of Well-Being.

Thank you for reading!

Be well,

Peter Pavlina

You can visit the Pavlina Academy website, and subscribe to the newsletter, here.